Health : what to do and what not to say to a very sad person
Blues blues, what is it? It is being depressed. Other expressions exist to define this sentimental state: spleen, sorrow, lowered morale, stroke of cockroach. Basically, it’s sadness. It can result in demotivation or lethargy but this does not apply to everyone. The blues state is subtle.
No one is immune to the blues. However, a distinction must be made between this state and the state of depression. The difference is that over time the person with the blues will bounce back!
Blues – temporary sorrow and depression – and how not to add them?
“But what happens if we don’t bounce”? “What if the feeling of tiredness or worthlessness causes weight changes”? “What if the feelings of sadness persist, are excessive or interfere with work, sleep or leisure for a long time”?
These are questions that make all the difference. Indeed, these questions, if asked, show that one is most likely suffering from real depression, major depression. This feeling of deep sadness, if it awaits, we cannot easily get rid of it.
What is the difference between blues and major depression?
Also known as clinical depression, major depressive disorder or unipolar depression, major depression is a medical condition that goes beyond the ups and downs of life. Women are almost twice as likely as men to develop major depression.
People with depression cannot just “pull themselves together” and get the better of the blues state. Treatment with counseling, medication or both is the key to recovery.
What to avoid telling someone who is depressed
When someone you care about is depressed, offering advice or wisdom may be something you do with only good intentions in mind. However, the words you use may not convey the message you want to send, especially if you don’t understand the nature of depression and mental illness.
When you express your own feelings, the sentences you use may seem clear and relevant from your point of view. However, the person with depression on the receiving side may feel attacked, misunderstood or deeply hurt.
Remember: advice is not the same as asking for help. If they ask you for your opinion, give it if you want. But do not offer them “useful” solutions or statements that seem to be a cure for their depression. It may seem critical or not empathetic.
Do not tell:
“Just think of happy thoughts. I don’t understand why you must be so sad ”.
“Everything will be fine, I promise.”
“You just need to get out of this.”
“So many people are worse off than you”.
A few sentences / questions that would comfort the unhappy
Do you want to talk about it? I’m here when you’re ready.
The important thing is not to force someone to speak. Letting them know you’re available can really help them feel supported.
If they haven’t told you about their depression, you may want to mention that you have noticed that they are struggling and that you are there if they want to talk. If you just ask, “Do you agree?” They may be used to pretending and saying, “I’m fine.”
If they are not ready to speak at this exact moment, remind them that you are there for them when they are ready. When they are having trouble and need to speak to someone, they can remember your offer and come to you.
What can I do to help today?
Depression or even the blues often causes fatigue, sleep disturbances and lack of motivation. Sometimes getting out of bed can be difficult. Asking what you can do can really help them throughout their day. Maybe they are not eating well and you can prepare and luer bring dinner. Maybe they need an early call or a text message to make sure they get to work on time.
Sometimes just listen. Helping doesn’t have to be a huge drastic effort. It can be as simple as picking up the phone, sharing a meal, or driving them to an appointment.
How do you manage ? How is your depression?
This can give you an overview of how their treatment is going or if they need help getting professional assistance. However, this is not a flaw or a weakness. If someone you love has certain spleen, encourage them to talk about it or consult a professional if they have not already done so.
Remind them that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Asking how their treatment is going can also encourage them to stick to their treatment plan. You can also tell them when you’ve noticed improvements. This can help validate its operation, even if they don’t always feel like it.
You’re not alone. I may not understand exactly how you feel, but you are not alone.
Blues and even depression are incredibly common. Many people, however, do not ask for help. Regarding depression, it can make many people feel alone and like to isolate themselves. Tell them they’re not alone.
Be there for them, even if you don’t have similar personal experience. If you have suffered, you can say that you know what they are going through. This can help them understand. However, stay focused on them. Remember to listen first.
You’re important to me.
It’s always nice to know that you are loved or that you are wanted, even desired. When someone is depressed, he / she may feel the exact opposite. This is why telling someone that he / she is important to you, that you need it in life and that he / she matters can be so comforting.
You can also be more specific about what you like about him or how you like him for something he / she does.
It seems to be really difficult. How are you doing?
The purpose of this is simply to recognize that you realize how difficult it is for him / her.
Recognizing how hard the blues, even depression, and symptoms can be can help them feel seen, seen and heard. It’s a good reminder that you are listening, that you see it and that you are there to help it cope.
I’m really sorry that you are going through this. I’m here for you if you need me.
The point is, there is nothing perfect to say to someone who is depressed or just going through a difficult time. Your words will not heal her. But they can help. Remind someone that you are there for him / her whenever he / she needs you – be it for help with a small task or someone to call in case of crisis – can be so essential to saving a life.